Someone's Attempt at Finding a Soulmate and I Discovered a New Hobby.

Chump: Please stop write that fucking book for a second and explain why such an interesting profile is only 48% of a match.
*stop writing.

Me: (no response)

Chump: Creeper, creeper!

Me: nope gotta keep writing the book
it's the only thing I care about

Chump: What is it about?

Me: It's an autobiography about when I fell out of the spaceship and my experiences on this earth compared to my native planet

Chump: Will it be published only on Earth, or are you hoping for an interplanetary success?

Me: I'm hoping I die before it gets published
I can't handle fame

Chump: Ok. Can I keep the royalties from the rights, then?

Me: nope

Chump: Bad alien.

Me: my cats get those, sorry
plus I hate humans and am only on okcupid to decipher their behavior for my book

Chump: That's going to be one groundbreaking book.
Question is, if you are using a website for your research, couldn't you be writing the book from your home?
That would be one hell of a telecommute, but I'm pretty sure that Verizon is taking FiOS to your door.

Me: Uh huh, when I bring the script back to my planet I assure you my species will conclude that you humans must be destroyed due to pure idiocy alone

Chump: Dilbert principle?

Me: no. Dilbert is a douchebag. This account is much more real

Chump: These words would hurt Scott Adams' feelings, if he had any.

Me: I'm sure Scott Adams is an idiot

Chump: Now, what is it that you do besides lurking on OkC?

Me: You people are all the same
I hang out with my cousin
He's famous

Chump: In which galaxy?

Me: Here on Earth
I'm sure you've heard of him
His name is Alf

Chump: hahaha
I'm sorry, but your cousin is a double.
I ran over him a couple of weeks ago.

Me: You are so full of shit
Liar

Chump: I thought he was a mutant poodle, who learned to hitchhike.

Me: I have to go murder children. Nice talking to you.