OKCupid Thread: I Get Carried Away. Oops?

Guy: so eminem

Me: yeah dude, eminem

Guy: whats the obsession?

Me: he's like omg so hawt
like I want to get with him so bad
I will someday too
cuz like anything is possible you know? I learned that from Cinderella

Guy: uh
are you a real person?

Me: you know how like, Cinderella sings that song? "it's possible for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage"

Guy: yes I'm aware

Me: things are happening every day dude! I could totally get with eminem
I saw the secret so like, all I have to do is meditate and make like a vision board and stuff
so like, yeah, I'm totes doing that
I have like, pictures of eminem plastered like, all over my apartment

Guy: so on that note
I'm gonna let you go

Me: whatever dude
you're like, so not hawt anyway
peace out

OKCupid Thread: Why Is This Guy Still Talking To Me?

Guy: Hi, how are you?
I saw your profile and thought I'd say hi :)

Me: thuper
how are you?

Guy: doing well, thanks
what's your name?

Me: Matilda

Guy: ooh, that's a pretty name! :)

Me: thankth

Guy: so, what brings you here?

Me: where?

Guy: to ok
okc

Me: I taught mythelf to fly yethterday!

Guy: wow... you mean on a plane?
Me: no
have you ever theen the boy who could fly?
like that

Guy: not sure i understand

Me: the movie

Guy: ooh... never seen it
but i do remember the movie Matilda
it was made in 1996 :0
:)

Me: http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800040511/info
oh I never thaw Matilda
but tho now I can fly like a bird!

Guy: cool
so what brings you to OKCupid ? :)

Me: I like the colorth
the blue and the pink are nithe

Guy: cool...
so tell me more about yourself

Me: I collect glowwormth!
the toyth kind not the real kind

Guy: what is that?

Me: They are like toyth from the eightieth and you thqueeze their tummieth and they glow!

Guy: haha
do you like my profile and pics?

Me: My favorite thongth are Jingle Bellth and that one that goeth... Frara Jacka, frara Jacka!
Yeth I like the leaveth in your picture

Guy: haha thanks
hey, why do you talk kind of ...strange? lol

Me: I have a lithp

Guy: ...in writing? haha

Me: are you making fun of my lithp?
that'th not nithe!

Guy: of course not

Me: you thuck!

Guy: i do not
look... no one has a lisp in the written word....
just talk... normally - please

Me: I have a lithp in my writing so obviouthly not no one doeth
have you ever eaten chocolate covered cockroacheth?
they are my favorite thnacks
what are your favorite thnacks?

Guy: black licorice lace.
i also love twilight :)

Me: twilight ith dumb!
are you dumb?

Guy: certainly not
i love bella...she's awesome

Me: dumb

Guy: whatever
a little...tolerance wouldn't hurt you.

Me: toleranthe ith for puthies!

Guy: are you serious or joking? i can't tell
you don't have a lisp in your profile at all.

Me: I'm tho theriouth!

Guy: take care

Me: peath out thucka!

Stop Child Abuse Now.

Please visit: www.itisnotokaytodressyourbabyupasapinkpoodleforHalloween.com

Put Bug In Hallway 101

"Should I kill it!?"
"No. Put it in the hallway."
"I don't do that. I don't put bugs in hallways. How do you put a bug in a hallway?"
"You put the bug in a cup and you put the cup in the hallway."


"Like so."

For Lindsey Kepnes, With Love From Skiz ;)

The photo below is evident of a rare case of monogramitis. Monogramitis is a form of OCD where the individual becomes obsessed with initialing strange items. Monograms can be classy, and trendy. But when taken to an extreme the individual begins to monogram mundane household items; items that are in fact, useless to begin with. Even if this person received a strange monogrammed item, it is similar to a folie-a-deux, where the person giving the gift sees nothing wrong with this behavior, and encourages it. These kinds of people are called Monogramitis enablers, and though they may not display any symptoms of the disease, are very possible carriers. This enabling behavior is akin to another alcoholic buying an alcoholic a cheap bottle of wine. Of course, an alcoholic will drink it. Of course, despite the ridiculousness of a monogrammed item, in this case, a tissue box cover, the person will proudly display it. You might say, "Well, perhaps it was part of a package. I can't imagine anyone sending away for a monogrammed tissue box holder by itself!" Well, yes, perhaps it was part of a package. Perhaps it was even thrown in a package deal for free! In this case, a healthy person would consider the freebie, and think, "What a gimmick," and upon receiving the monogrammed tissue box holder, would most likely throw it away or, if they are economical, think, "Nice, a new kitchen rag!" In extreme cases, a person may at first send away for something like a monogrammed tissue box holder, and THEN start buying tissue boxes to justify their behavior.


Please take note if you or a friend think you may have developing symptoms of monogramitis, early symptoms include a severe, unexplained obsession with Martha Stewart, particularly in the repeated purchasing of, The Martha Stewart Living cookbook: The New Classics.



If you or a friend need help, please visit: www.monogrammingtissueboxcoversisnotokay.org

I'm Not a Bird, and I Don't Want a Worm.

Dear Morning,

Fuck you.

Love,
Liz