OKCupid Thread: Not My Soulmate

Random Guy: I love cheese so when i see ur good at eating cheese i am like me toooooo

Me: oh yeah? What kind of cheese
I bet I'm like, way better than you at eating it.
I mean you're so young there is no way you have as much experience as me

Random Guy: ne kind i have a birthmark of a mouse
yea its that serious
it has an eye and a tail

Me: bullshit

Random Guy: so i am sorry i am not in ur requirements but u seem cool
i swear
i will show u if ur cool enough to chill with

Me: I'm too cool
sorry

Random Guy: no bigger
so what do u do for fun
lol

Me: I eat cheese
duh
sometimes I cut it too

Random Guy: so would u mind getting to know me besides for my cheese obsession

Me: you don't have a cheese obsession
I do
and you copied me

Random Guy: well regardless i do like ur sarcasm and ur cute
so lets get past the cheese lol

Me: it's not what I really look like
do you like Jesus?

Random Guy: nope
not a jesus freak lol

Me: what about the father?
or the holy ghost?

Random Guy: idk our father
ghost- dude in a sheet not a big fan

Me: I'm VERY Jesusy
I can say the whole our father
ready... our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name
thy kingdom come
thy will be done

Random Guy: ALRIGHT

Me: on earth as it is in heaven

Random Guy: so what are you lookin for on here

Me: give us this day our daily bread
LOVE
I'm looking for love
isn't everyone?
isn't that why okcupid is so great?

Random Guy: well whats ur perfect date

Me: my perfect date... first of all
he'd have to be at least five hundred pounds, cuz like
I'm really fucking fat
and really hairy, cuz I am one of those chicks that has a mustache
I used to wax it
but I got really tired of doing that
so I just let it be
Are you really fat and hairy?

Random Guy: neither

Me: well then you're definitely not my soul mate

Random Guy: awe shucks

Me: so like, on that note, I'm gonna have to let you go

Random Guy: now my day is ruined ohhhhhhhhh no whatever will i do now

Me: you are like, way too weird for me anyway