Drug Lesson #666

It is advised not to go number 2 in the (evil) woods while tripping. The paranoia will, first of all, make you stray farther from your camp site in the dark than intended, or that you can even tell. Even then, you will still fear that your friends can hear you pooping, as well as smell it. Second of all, you do not want to look at your own poop when it is not in the toilet while tripping face. It looks different outside of water, A LOT different. So different that you feel like a thirteen year old girl who got her first period, or a boy that jerked off for the first time. "What is that?! Did that come out of my body!? I'm a FREAK!"

Despite these issues, there is the the confusion aspect of a clean break. If you are lucky enough to have a clean break, you don't understand it. How could that monstrosity have left no trace? After obsessive wiping, you begin to think it can't be true, and wonder if you're hallucinating. Then you feel like somehow, you've sat in it, or somehow, have pooped all over yourself. "Fuck, I crapped all over myself, what am I gonna do?!" You grab the flashlight and look at every part of your body, check for traces on your butt cheeks, on your jeans, your shoes. Then you notice the demonic little bush

in front of you laughing, witness to the entire situation. Finally, you have to force yourself to get over it, thank the Universe that it truly was a clean break, and start to bury it. And now as you bury your poop, you feel dirty, like a wild animal. Your hands turn into paws and you almost instinctively do the doggy kickback until you remind yourself that you are human. Finally you have to deal with pulling your pants up, double checking that you are not covered in stinky poop. You must also make sure that your zipped up your fly, five thousand times.

This is entire process will seem to take five years.

So, kiddies, next time, poop before you decide to ingest an eighth of mushrooms in the woods.